Recent Rants

Do you want some cheese with that whine?
Here at floatingcork.com, we are providing a forum for you (and our editors) to rant and rave about any little baby problem they have with the wine world or life in general... today, we have a particularly personal plea from a good friend of ours – take it away, bub.

Why is everybody always pickin' on me?  - by Merlot
I come from lush green valleys and rolling meadows, pure and smooth. I come from lands the beauty of which would take lifetimes to describe. I come to your table unaffected, reliable and aiming to please...

But there's always some m*ther---- yuppie d*ckt*ts that has to rub their tired *ss sh*$ up in my grill.

And it makes me sad.

Where did this hate come from? Why doesn't anyone got my back?
When did our society become so accepting of varietalism, that whenever some uppity *ss jack-hole makes a comment belittling me (and right to my face!), others just smile and nod, ashamed to speak up for me? I need some help here people - it's hard to talk while you're getting poured down the drain...

Why are people reacting to me like I just had sex with Pam Anderson after a shared-needle heroin binge in Calcutta? It's not my fault that they use some low quality overripe versions of me to put into giant jugs and serve at restaurants. It's not my fault I'm easy to grow. It's not my fault that I'm so delicious that people who otherwise want nothing to do with wine drink me up like Lance Armstrong drinks Gatorade (and “supplements”).

And these snobs have the potato sacks to call me simple or boring because I don't put on airs like Cab f*cking Sav? Because I don't get up in your face like a jerk (remind you of anyone, Syrah)? Because I don't get so obnoxiously excited every time people get together that I blow my load like Champagne? 

You think there aren't bad Cabernets out there?  Let me just say straight up that Cabernet Sauvignon is a f*cking *ssh*le. You know how many of your so-called good Cabernets blend me in with them to chill them the f*ck down? I don't have the exact numbers, but let me assure you that there are a lot! So there's your infamous Cabernet complexity for you – it's called me. But I'm not such an egomaniac that it matters where I go; I can blend, I can mix. Or I can stand alone. Doesn't make a difference. I guess that makes me an easy target, being so versatile that people can never peg me down, but I ain't standing for it any longer...

So come back to me people. We can chill and it will be like old times. It don't matter what other people say; doesn't that make our forbidden love more exciting?