Champagne
Editor talks Champagne with Joe Shmoe and Jane Shmane
By: Jeff O'Brien - Senior Editor - floatingcork.com
Ed: What better way to kick off the conception of Floating Cork than with a discussion of that most celebratory of drinks, Champagne! Salut, mes amis! <toasts with Joe and Jane, they all drink a glass>
First, of course, you can’t just call any sparkling wine Champagne. No no no. The grapes must be born and bred in the Champagne region of France in order to earn that distinction. Does the location of grape-birth make any difference in taste, you ask? In other words, is there any real difference in quality between grapes from Champagne versus those same grape types from other regions? This has always been a hot topic in the viticulture world; the idea is referred to as terroir, and in general, “new world” growers claim it makes no difference, whereas “old world” growers claim it does. These “old world” growers swear that regional properties of soil infuse the wine with subtle flavors and characteristics when handled by those most excellent of winemakers.
Joe: Hey Ed?
Ed: One sec, Joe. I’m slamming it with the knowledge. The Champagne region is 125 miles northeast of Paris and lies on exposed borders of four cuestas in the Paris Basin, upon which vines are planted in the famous Campanian chalk, intermingling with…
Joe: Umm, nobody cares about dirt, egghead.
Jane: Yeah, that’s sooooo interesting… I’m going to a party tonight, you should totally come and tell that story.
Ed: Alright then! Where was I… ah yes, dirt!
Joe: Oh my goodness
Jane: Ugh. Make him stop, Joe.
Joe: OK. Er, I heard that you could tell the quality of a champagne by the size of the bubbles. What’s up with that?
Ed: Ah yes, the effervescense of Champagne! So beautiful to behold! The tiny bubbles rising and delicately popping on the surface suggesting a hidden playfulness and intrigue underneath…
Jane: <drinks entire glass of champagne>
Joe: <horrified, whispering to Jane > Sorry. I really had no idea. I am so sorry.
Ed: ahem, as I was saying, suggesting a hidden playfulness and intrigue beneath the surface. Although there isn’t really any scientific evidence correlating quality of a champagne with the bubble size, the common story is that the smaller the bubbles, the better the wine. Whether this belief came from simple aesthetic preferences, or whether it stems from the fact that older champagnes lose some carbon dioxide with age, thereby producing smaller bubbles than younger, presumably lesser quality, champagnes, the origin is unknown.
Jane: <tapping empty glass until Ed pours another> OK, Smarty-pants, so maybe you know a few facts about Champagne. Here’s a fact for you: I don’t care.
Joe: Jimmy cracked corn, my friend <clinks glasses with Jane and they both slam another drink>
Ed: Didn’t you just ask about bubble size and…
Jane: <slight slurring> Hey! Guess what? I had some Dom Perignon the other night... was pretty good…
Ed: Interesting thing about Dom Perignon - he was the monk assigned by the church originally to actually get rid of the bubbles! It was only later that he was tasked with perfecting them.
Jane: <mockingly> blee blee blee blee about Dom Perignon <giggles>
Joe: <giggling and nudging Jane> Yeah, wow Ed! Wow! Hey buddy, looks like you’re sweating a little bit. Getting all pumped up about all this Champagne talk, eh?
Ed: <rubbing away brow sweat> Ha ha! Well, guess I am getting a little excited here.
Jane: <composing self> Tell you what - why don’t we have a few more rounds here and you can tell us all about monks and bubbles and dirt and France…
Ed: Well, alright, I guess I usually end up talking about the wine more than drinking it. Let’s have some fun here. In fact, <loosens tie> enough talking, more drinking!
Joe and Jane: Horray!
One hour later…
Ed: <heavy slurring> … so that’s when I says to the guy, I says, “hey bub, better the pig than the pork sandwich!” HA! Hey, hey, guys, ‘member when we were saying about Dom Perignon? You know his famous quote “I’m drinking stars”? Well, I am burping them!
Jane: Awesome.
Joe: Hey Ed, you should take it off.
Jane: <giggling> yeah, Ed. Do it!
Ed: You think so?
<Joe and Jane, chanting in unison>: Take it off! Take it off! Take it off!
<Ed takes it off>
Editors note: if you have read this far, you must be incredibly bored at work right now. |
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